How Secondary Infertility Can Be Harder to Accept

Secondary infertility is a diagnosis for couples having trouble conceiving when they already have had another child or children. This type of infertility is different from primary infertility where the couple has not been able to conceive even once.

Secondary infertility is often more difficult to accept –for the couple- as well as those around them. ‘When are you going to have your next one?’ a wise aunt quips at the family reunion. ‘Cassie has a baby brother, I want one too, Mommy,’ says your preschooler and ‘Honey, don’t wait too long,’ reasons your mother-in-law.

If the ‘system’ has worked once, it should work again, right? In OB/GYN lingo, the mother has a proven birth canal and so on. For many parents, the first time was a piece of cake. Something they didn’t have to try hard for at all. The second or subsequent time, it is another ball game altogether.

Family Dynamics

Some of the reasons for secondary infertility can be as simple as not having time or energy for intercourse at your most fertile time of the month because of the demands of your other children.

Physical Factors

It could have been several years since you had the first baby and your peak fertile time has passed. Women are their most fertile in their mid-twenties to mid-thirties. Infertility starts casting a greater shadow after 38 and more so after forty.

Significant weight gain by not shedding the pregnancy pounds can also lead to a hormonal imbalance and difficulty in conceiving. Loss of original partner with who the woman had the first child can raise a red flag for reproductive endocrinologists. The new partner may need some additional testing. Other more complicated factors could be polycystic ovarian syndrome, abortions or miscarried pregnancies and uterine or pelvic disorders after the first child was born.

Emotional factors

One of the emotional rollercoaster rides with secondary infertility is also when couples struggling with primary infertility feel that secondary infertility patients are being ungrateful. ‘At least they have one child’ and ‘At least they have gone through the pregnancy and child birth experience once’ is what they have to say. This can also be a reason why many secondary infertility cases are not talked about.

However, this should not be the case. Secondary infertility is anyway harder to accept. By making it harder to discuss can add another layer of burden and guilt on the parents.

Couples are often recommended to decide on a time frame by which they will try to get pregnant or consider alternatives like surrogacy or adoption. Or they can choose the number of tries they will give a particular treatment like in vitro fertilization. Having a limit in their minds often helps in finding closure and accepting destiny. Faith also plays a part in accepting any kid of infertility.

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